Genesis 4:5 And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.
(I know a guy named Jerry Roth, but Very Wroth?)
Genesis 25:8 Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age,
(This expression appears 19 times in the KJV and has become part of our English idioms. Neither the Hebrew nor the Greek say anything about a ghost or spirit. They just say “he expired.” I like “he croaked.” )
Judges 14:18b If ye had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle.
(Actually this says the same thing in any version. It is just a cool saying about having inside information on a subject. Don’t know about the wife being a heifer!)
Ezekiel 24:23 And your tires shall be upon your heads, and your shoes upon your feet.
(Let’s hope that those are not monster truck tires! Maybe it is the Biblical basis for wearing a tiara.)
1 Samuel 25:22 So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. (5 t.)
(I started to apologize for including this, but then I remembered that this is the Bible. Apologize? For those who want a literal translation, here you have it! But will you read this publicly?)
1 Corinthians 16:13 Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
(Why would Paul tell men to “quit”? Who wants to be a quitter? It simply means “be men.”)
Luke 2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
(When I was a kid, I thought that this meant they were so scared that it hurt!)
2 Thessalonians 2:7 For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way.
(A rare meaning of the word “let” in 1611 was the opposite of what it means today – “allow.” What will he let us do?)
1 Chr. 26.18 At Parbar westward, four at the causeway, and two at Parbar.
(Sounds like Google Map directions! Maybe it is Norm Furr on a golf course.)
Matt. 23:24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
(What’s wrong with straining AT a gnat? Should we just swallow it whole? This was actually a misprint in the KJV that was never corrected. It should read “strain OUT a gnat” as William Tyndale translated it in 1534.)
John 11:39 “Take ye away the stone.” Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, “Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days.”
(Nothing funny about this incident but a friend said that when she and her siblings heard this read in their childhood, they laughed!)
2 Cor. 6:11-12 O ye Corinthians, our mouth is open unto you, our heart is enlarged. Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels.
(That sounds so painful!! “You are limited by your own affections” feels so much better!)
O KJV, thou continueth for lo these many years. May thy children increase!